


steps to the fall

by welcometosideb



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Angels, Angel!Neil, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Death Angel, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Soulmates, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:54:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24222382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/welcometosideb/pseuds/welcometosideb
Summary: Sometimes, they tossed a coin, they chose, if someone was on both lists, if there was a way to save them, they felt their energy and decided what to do.orNathaniel decide to save a controversial life and Death follows this soul wherever he goes.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 40
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on my period, I'm sad, I'm sorry  
> Please feel free to point my mistakes, english isn't my first language.
> 
> (be ready for angsty)

Angels cannot feel, this is a very important premise.

Humans like to define them as celestial beings, messengers of the Almighty and a trillion other things.

When they created the dictionary Nathaniel collected one in each language and culture and glued their definitions to angel on a notebook — Matthew always said he was stupid for liking humans so much, but Nathaniel couldn’t avoid it, they were amusing.

Nathaniel was, indeed, a celestial being, he was a messenger, but not of God, he was a messenger of death.

The one and only Death Angel.

See, most people think nothing was nothing until one day life and death, the start and the end, showed up and a natural course was created.

It wasn’t exactly like that.

In fact, Nathaniel wasn’t supposed to exist, he wasn’t in the first plans, he was — in the absence of better words — a damage control being.

Again, angels cannot feel, they’re not only incapable of understand feelings, they are also way too powerful to control it, they are forbidden — and maybe that’s why Nathaniel liked humans so much, they could feel, they could heal, create, exist, they could do anything, and isn’t it such an amazing power?

They could change, and grow, and make mistakes and receive forgiven. 

Angels could never be forgiven, they were created with a purpose, they could never die, or change, they were supposed to be perfect, and maybe that’s why they couldn't feel, they're not allowed to feel.

The angels were the first creation, before earth, before humanity, and they were the perfect creation, they were the loyal servants, unable to sin.

Then, the humanity was created, full of feelings, naive, and, somehow, they were the favorites, that was when the first angels started to feel: broken pride, envy, they felt powerful, unstoppable, they were de rebelion, they were the fallen ones.

The Fallen Angels decided to disturb humanity to no end, they even got a cool nickname — demons — humanity made mistakes, and then Nathaniel came to existence.

Sometimes, when he took of a soul whose name was on his list, he heard people saying it was the devil’s doing, and honestly it’s such an offensive thing to say, he wasn’t even born in the rebellion, he was a angel like any other — except that he was the only one like him.

Renee, the one and only Life Angel was, to humanity surprise, his best friend.

Sometimes they walked together, she taking the kid, he taking the mother.

Other times they found each other by accident — death and birth in the same hospital wasn’t that unusual.

And, sometimes, they tossed a coin, they chose, if someone was on both lists, if there was a way to save them, they felt their energy and decided what to do.

So, one night, they were both watching a birth — the mother was expecting one undesired kid, she was giving birth to two.

“The two of them are on my list.” Nathaniel said when he materialised besides Renee.

“Mine too.” Renee was focused, probably trying to read their energy “When?”

“We have five minutes to decide.” Nathaniel answered.

Renee nodded.

“Maybe I’ll save one and you'll take the other?”

Nathaniel thought it was a good idea, he knew how hard to Renee was to let someone die, but they were both undesired.

He could argument to let them both die, or could let his friend suffer a little less.

Then he heard the first one crying — and he knew if one of them was supposed to die, it was him. Renee probably felt the same, she closed her eyes solemnly, waiting for Nathaniel to do his job, but there was something wrong.

There was something different about this kid.

“No.” Nathaniel said 

“What?”

“Let them both survive.” Nathaniel disappeared before she could say something, before he could overthink this.

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can talk to me on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dearghostqueen) , I'm an artist, I can answer in PT or EN (and a little bit of Spanish)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: implied/referenced suicide attempt  
> implied/referenced child abuse

That kid wasn’t the first one they decided not kill, but Nathaniel felt a connection with him he never felt before. 

He tried not to think about him, not to think about the kid he saved, but from time to time he searched on his list hoping to not find his name in there, until the day he found it.

Andrew Minyard, the kid he decided not to take away, he was twelve now, had blond hair, hazel eyes and was so young.

He was in the bathroom, blood on his arms, eyes closed, he was giving up the life Nathaniel conceded to him, yet there was something, something inside him was so strong, something inside him was calling Nathaniel.

“Maybe it’s really his time.” Renee said, but she was there and that was enough proof that he wanted to survive.

“No. Heal him.” Nathaniel said and Renee was chocked, he could say she was.

“I can’t heal him, I’ll just keep him alive until someone comes home.” Renee said “Why would he do this to himself?”

“Does he have a guardian angel?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“There’s something different about him” Nathaniel said, Renee looked at him and for the first time in ages he couldn’t say what she was thinking.

“Move on to next one of your list. He is not your problem anymore.”

Andrew really wasn’t his problem anymore, but, as the Death Angel — and for a long time his name was Death until he decided Nathaniel suits him better — he could be anywhere at anytime and he was watching Andrew.

Andrew couldn’t see him, he was reading on his bed, his foster mom gave him a goodnight kiss trying not to cry seeing the bandages on his arms.

The little boy didn’t answer, he smiled, but, as soon as she got out of the room, Andrew pulled the covers over his head, hiding himself from the world — but not from Nathaniel, he could still see him.

Nathaniel could see the way Andrew was trembling, how scared he was when the stairs creaked, someone was coming to his room and Andrew was scared.

The door opened, just a little, Andrew’s breathing failed, he was crying.

Nathaniel hated being corporeal, it was such an inconvenient thing, his body had natural needs, people could see and touch him and most of them got scared when he smiled, yet, he didn’t think twice before getting corporeal and closing the door.

He wasn’t even using him strength, but he knew no one could open a door while he was holding it.

A male voice cursed.

“Drake? Are you okay?”

The man — Drake — let go of the knob.

“Yeah, I just wanted to see if AJ is okay.”

“He is tired, let him sleep.”

“Sure, sorry. Good night mom.”

“Good night dear.”

Drake walked away, just them, when Nathaniel felt his negative desires drifting away, he stepped away from the door.

“Who are you?” a little voice said, for a moment Nathaniel forgot that he was visible and obviously Andrew could see him.

“I’m your guardian angel.” Nathaniel smiled, Andrew wasn’t impressed.

“Then where were you all this time?”

“All this time?” Nathaniel felt something breaking inside him, he was Death in person, taking lives was his job and he not once felt guilty or sad — he has never felt anything before — but right there he was feeling so much he could cry.

“You’re not my guardian angel. If you really are, you're awful on your job.” Andrew was so tiny, but was so angry.

“I found you yesterday.” Nathaniel murmured and Andrew looked at his arms “I’m the reason you’re still alive. Don’t waste it.” 

“I didn’t ask to be saved.”

“Yes, you did.”

It was the first step to the fall.

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated, please feel free to correct me if you see any mistake
> 
> You can talk to me on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dearghostqueen) , I'm an artist, I can answer in PT or EN (and a little bit of Spanish)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please feel free to show my mistakes  
> And thank you for your comments and kudos.
> 
> You can talk to me on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dearghostqueen) , I'm an artist too

The only thing worse than being corporeal was to discorporate, it was uncomfortable, his entire body tingles and his wings had cramps, but he had things to do and Kevin wasn’t happy at all to see him.

“Don’t you have a soul to take right now?”

“I always do. I need a guardian angel.”

“You clearly don’t.”

“Not for me, obviously.” Nathaniel rolled his eyes. “It’s for a boy, Andrew Minyard, or Doe, I don’t think he knows his name yet.”

“Andrew and Aaron Minyard are not assigned to receive guardian angels, you should know it better than I do.”

“But why?”

“I cannot explain the Almighty plans, I don’t know them.”

“Kevin!”

“Listen, Andrew and Aaron are controversial, they were both supposed to die and to live. It’s luck, destiny, I don’t know, but if they’re alive their whole life will be problematic. They’re not the first, they will not be the last, you know that.”

“But why Andrew?” Nathaniel said, because it wasn’t fair, that man, living under the same roof as him, was hurting him, someone who was supposed to protect him, this wasn’t fair.

“It is what it is.” Kevin said “Your job is to take or not take souls and fly away. Don’t watch humans lives or you’ll never serve your purpose again.”

“This kid is suffering.”

“So, the next time you have the choice, take him.”

Nathaniel punched Kevin, and even though angels doesn’t feel pain, or bleed, or get hurt, it was satisfactory. 

It was the second step to the fall.

**.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna say thank you for everyone reading this and for your comments, this is very supportive to me, and I'm really happy about it. Thank you so much.  
> Again, feel free to tell me if I'm writing anything wrong or if it doesn't make sense

During a week Aaron’s name glowed on Nathaniel’s list, then, two days before the day he was supposed to die, something changed and Andrew’s name took his place.

This wasn’t a usual occurrence, but, when two lives are directly linked, sometimes one’s decision can save the other, and that could only mean Andrew did something really brave or really stupid.

He was a little older when Nathaniel showed up to him, he was smoking on the roof.

"Thinking about jumping?" Nathaniel asked, Andrew didn't even look up to him

"You're not supposed to be in here."

"Neither are you. Why are you in juvie? And what will happen if someone see you here?"

"They won't."

"They could."

"They won't."

Something was different about him, his way to speak, his posture, his mind, something was broken.

“Why are you trying so hard to give away the life you received?”

“I didn’t ask for it and I'm not trying to do anything.”

“Say whatever you want to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. I can feel you calling me and I’m still being dragged down here when you need help.”

“I didn’t call you. And you said you were my guardian angel, take care of me is your job."

"I'm not your guardian angel." Nathaniel admitted.

" I can't even pretend I'm surprised. So, were you lying or they finally saw what a garbage of a guardian you are and fired you?”

“Not funny. I’m Death, actually. I’m sorry I lied, I just couldn’t say this to a twelve years old kid.” Nathaniel said. 

“I wouldn’t mind. I’ve seen worse monsters than you.”

“Anyway, I’m trying to protect you and you’re not helping me at all. Once again you are on my list, funny thing is that your name is now where your brother’s name was. What the fuck have you done?”

Andrew huffed, his expression didn't change a bit, he looked tired, and was still so young.

Another piece of Nathaniel's heart broke.

“My stupid foster brother wanted to meet my stupid real brother, and I don’t want them to meet. That’s why I’m here, and if stupid twin is not on your stupid list, than I was fucking right and he wouldn’t handle it.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, little angel. And if you are Death, you know that.”

He knew.

That same day, he accidentally found Drake driving home, and accidentally put Drake to sleep, just a few minutes, there was a crash and Renee was beside him in a second.

“He wasn’t in my list.” Renee said.

“He wasn’t on mine either.”

“Nathaniel…”

“He deserved it.” Nathaniel said, taking his hideous and disgusting soul before Renee tried to save him. “The man on the other car is innocent, save him.”

Renee did it, slowly, thinking.

“Why did you do kill him? It wasn’t his time, there’s an balance to keep.”

“He deserved it.”

“Andrew Minyard is a soul directly linked to this one, he’s on my list again.”

“So do your job and save him.”

“Not yet, in two days we’ll both be called and seeing the circumstances we’ll decide.”

“Let him live.”

“I don’t know what you felt so strongly on him, but when you decided to save him I was shocked because I’ve only felt suffering and violence. Letting him go is, unfortunately, the best option for him.”

Nathaniel sighed, he couldn’t understand why Renee was being so stubborn.

“I felt a strong survival instinct.”

“Anything else?”

There was something else, every time he saw the boy he felt an unbreakable and unquestionable connection, as if that soul were part of him in some way.

“Nathaniel?”

“Just do your job Renee.” Nathaniel said and disappeared.

Angels cannot feel, angels cannot kill people because of feelings, and Nathaniel couldn’t care less.

it was the third step to the fall.

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> You can talk to me on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dearghostqueen) , I'm an artist too


	5. Chapter 5

Nathaniel wasn’t surprised Andrew got stabbed on a fight in juvie, he just stayed still while he was bleeding, just waiting for Renee to save him.

“I was expecting you would change your mind.” Renee said, Nathaniel shrugged.

“I didn’t.”

“Nathaniel…”

“He suffered so much, Renee. He deserves to survive.”

“He is a controversial, I don’t think you’re wrong when you let me save him, actually I’m really happy about it. But I think you should step back and stop watching him. Drake wasn’t supposed to die, and for that i gave life to someone who wasn’t supposed to born.”

Nathaniel gasped.

“You kept the balance.”

Renee smiled and nodded.

“Things would be catastrophic if i didn’t, and worst, you could be chained.” 

“For saving someone?”

“It’s not our decision who lives and who dies, except in case of controversials.” 

“Aaron didn’t show up on my list all this years, he’s a controversial too.”

Renee bit her lip.

“Aaron is suffering a lot, but Death just accompanies his brother.” 

“What do you mean?"

“I mean you’re searching for his name from day one. And now you’re literally watching him. Death follows him wherever he goes, that’s why he is always so close to die. Step back, leave him alone, and one day his name will appear on your list and your list only. When this day comes, take him.”

Nathaniel nodded, she was right, he was bringing death to Andrew’s life and needed to step back, but… he couldn’t.

Actually, he didn’t want to admit, but was getting more and more obsessed with Andrew each day.

The boy was growing up, he was strong, brave, beautiful, but also possessive, dangerous, completely broken.

Nathaniel watched him everyday, wishing there was some way for him to mend this broken soul.

And he showed up on his list again, and again, and again, and Renee saved him again, and again, and again.

One night, Nathaniel was watching him sitting on the roof of the club he worked, and Renee showed up, with Kevin besides her.

“He’ll only be dying again tomorrow.” Kevin said.

“Yeah, so what is she doing here?”

Renee and Kevin traded a worried look.

“Nathaniel you’re wasting your time on earth. More specifically, you’re watching this boy way too close.”

“We’re not judging you.” Renee said. “We understand how hard it is to leave behind a suffering soul, but you have to stop seeing him.”

“I’m not watching him.”

“I don’t know who the hell you are talking to, but yes, you are watching me.” Nathaniel gasped seeing Andrew looking at his direction.

“I didn’t let you see me.”

“And  _ I  _ didn’t let you see me. But here you are, everyday since I left juvie.”

“Is that true?” Kevin asked.

“No, I’m not watching him that much.” Nathaniel answered. “Congratulations for your college scholarship by the way.”

“Fuck you.”

“You  _ are  _ watching him this much.” Kevin said.

“Fine, I am. Because no one else does. He doesn’t have a Guardian Angel, he doesn’t have a fair life, and he deserves more.”

“I love hear you saying nice things about me like I’m not around. Honestly, I’m touched.” Andrew didn’t seem touched at all “Who are talking to?”

“How can you see me but not them?”

“You tell me. I’m just used with your presence around. Also, last time I saw you your eyes and hair were brown”

“I change it when I’m corporeal because my appearance attracts a lot of attention.”

Andrew shrugged.

“You’re not wrong.”

“Don’t flirt with the controversial.” Kevin said with strong disapproval.

“I’m not flirting!”

“You call this flirting?” Andrew said to the angels he couldn’t see “You guys are awful at it.”

“Nathaniel, be rational and just leave him and let him die.” Renee said calmly.

“I can’t let him die.”

“Oh, this is interesting. Do I have a lawyer?” Andrew said.

“I guess I am the lawyer.”

“Well, I’m fucked. Can you discuss my life somewhere else?”

“He doesn’t want you around.” Kevin said.

“Doesn’t he?” Nathaniel spat “Funny, because he called me. He calls me all the time, I can feel it. I killed someone who wanted to hurt him and his brother, I kept his door closed, I pushed away from him everyone with bad intentions, I made a good coach see him playing and helped him resist the offering of a bad team. I’m keeping him alive.”

“I guess I don’t have the right to say something, but have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, you're the one who wants me alive?"

Renee and Kevin looked at Nathaniel.

"He has a point."

"This is nonsense."

"Is it?" Andrew said "You said I'm calling you, and, if I'm not completely crazy and you're not lying, you are Death. That means I'm literally calling for Death, and you say I want to be alive?  _ This _ is nonsense."

"You don't want to die."

"I want nothing. Kill me, don't kill me, I don't care."

Renee took a deep breath, something changed around her and Andrew looked at her, she was making herself visible.

“I don’t want admit it, but he is right. He may not want to die, but he doesn’t care about living. He is not fighting, so what is the problem?” Renee asked. “What is keeping him here?”

“He has a family.”

“A lot of humans have. You didn't give a shit about it during World War.” Kevin said.

“I know you.” Andrew said to Renee, the angel smiled.

“Yes, you do. See, I have permission to watch my little beings.”

“And why I can’t?”

“You must understand that there’s a difference between being watched for death and being watched for life.” Kevin said, but Nathaniel didn’t want to hear, he couldn’t let Andrew go.

“We don’t have to take this soul.” Renee said. “We’re just asking you to leave him alone. There’ll be no joy in his life as long as death is on his shoulder.”

“And we’re worried about you.” Kevin said, and that was rare because he was such a focused angel, Nathaniel couldn't imagine how close he was of losing control for Kevin to worry like that.

As if waiting for his thought, a white feather fell from his wings.

“Someone’s dying. I have to go.” That was all Nathaniel could say.

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos, it'll always be apprecieted.
> 
> You can talk to me on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dearghostqueen) if you want.


	6. Chapter 6

Later that night, he found Andrew smoking on the balcony of his room, and, this time, he was sure Andrew was calling for him.

“Stop it.” Nathaniel said, he hated his human body, but he wanted to lean on the balcony and feel the cold air on his skin, just like Andrew was feeling on his.

“What?” 

“Stop calling me.”

“Stop watching me.”

“I’m protecting you.”

“Didn’t ask, don’t care.” Andrew said, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and blowing the smoke on Nathaniel’s face. “No brown eyes?”

“You can see me even if I’m not corporeal, I have no reason to hide my eyes.”

Andrew laughed, but not like he was having fun, there was no humour on his voice or on his eyes.

“You are a pipe dream.”

Nathaniel frowned, he walked between humanity long enough to understand those words.

“I’m not a hallucination.”

“Aren’t you? A attractive men, on my balcony, someone that haunts me since my childhood, someone who killed one of my abusers and closed my door. This can’t be real.”

“One of them? Do you have a list?”

“Why? Will you kill each one of them?”

“I can do it.”

“I don’t want your protection.”

“Don’t forget I’ve been watching you. I saw how you protect Aaron, and Nicky, but what about yourself?” 

“If something happens to me, I’ll handle it. I never asked for divine intervention, so let me deal with my life.”

“If it means losing you, than no. I will not let you deal with things you can’t handle.”

“I guess we all know I can handle a lot.”

“Can you if you don’t care enough about yourself?” Nathaniel laughed. “Don’t be stupid.”

“ Am I the stupid one here? Aren’t you Death? Aren’t you trying to save someone’s life?”

“Yes, I am Death, I am the fourth horsemen, I have a million names and I’m trying to tell that is not your time to die. And this decision is mine and mine only, because, again, I am Death.”

Nathaniel was angry, so angry, how could this stupid and beautiful human receive this much power and such a blessing as being alive and just throw it out of a window at every opportunity?

“You’re as stupid as you're attractive.”

This shouldn’t steal Nathaniel's attention, but it did, and all of a sudden it was like the missing piece of his soul was back to him.

“Oh no.” Nathaniel said.

“What?”

“Am I attractive?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know that, you’re the one who don’t show your real appearance because is too attractive.”

“Because it’s uncommon.”

“Because you’re hot.” Andrew said, and again Nathaniel's’ heart jumped on his chest.

“Oh no. I have to go.”

“Fine, just don’t come back.”

“Stop getting in trouble.”

“You’re not my guardian, I’m not your responsibility.”

“No, you’re worse than a responsibility.”

It was the fourth step to the fall.

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> You can talk to me on my   
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dearghostqueen) or [Tumblr](https://dearghostqueen.tumblr.com/) .


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to show me any mistake

When Matt saw Nathaniel waiting for him on his office he grunted.

“Please, don’t tell me you’re going to kill a happy couple on Valentine’s day again.”

“Yes, next year, we talked about it. But that’s not why I’m here. Human beings have this soulmate thing, right?”

“Yeah, isn’t it beautiful?” Matthew said gleefully.

“Amazing. There’s any chance someone’s soul is tied to an angel?” Nathaniel tried to ask with a neutral expression, but for Matt’s face he wasn't sure if he succeeded.

“Nothing is trivial in our world, Nathaniel. Some angels are destined to fall, and this can happen because of proud, envy, jealousy, or even love. That’s why we call it  _ fall _ in love.”

“And you know everyone’s soulmate, alright?”

“Just say the name.”

“Andrew Minyard.”

Matt sighed.

“Renee told me you might come asking about him, and Nathaniel you should really step back.”

“I’m Nathaniel, I’m Death, there’s nothing and no one like me. I cannot fall, not in love, not from heaven. Stop worrying and tell me the name.”

“There’s no name. Aaron Minyard has a soulmate, a sweet girl named Katelyn, but Andrew doesn’t have a soulmate.”

“But every human being has one.”

“I know. That means there’s no one on earth for him.”

Nathaniel breathed in, and breathed out, another feather fell from his long and white wings.

“How many white feathers did you lost recently?”

“I don't know. Three? I'm not counting.” Nathaniel said. “I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“You are. How many black feathers appeared recently?"

"Don't ask stupid questions, you can see them. It doesn't mean anything, I'm fine.

"Just remember that you're not like the rest of us. You're losing control.” Matt said shaking his head.

“I’m just helping.”

“This is not your job.”

“Nathaniel!” Kevin yelled and Nathaniel closed his eyes.

“What’s wrong now?”

“You've killed more people when you wasn’t supposed to.” Renee said entering the office after Kevin, there was feathers falling from her wings too, she wasn’t crying, but there was tears on her face. “You’re breaking our balance.”

“They deserved it.”

“This is not you decision to make.”Kevin yelled once again, and God his voice was so annoying, Nathaniel’s heart was beating so fast, he was getting so angry, he could feel negativity around, and it was coming from him.

“Just stop it, okay? We can fix it.” Renee said.

“We can’t fix what they already damaged. And you knew, you were watching you little beings.”

“It’s not our job to fix them, Nathaniel we cannot interfere.”

“Andrew Minyard is his soulmate.” Matt shouted so loud the three of them stopped to hear him. “Andrew will call him until the end of his days and he doesn’t even know he’s doing it.”

“It doesn’t matter if Andrew fall in love with him, Death can’t fall in love. Can you?” Kevin asked, but Nathaniel couldn’t answer.

“I’m fucked.” That was all he could say.

“That’s enough, you have to get rid of him.” Kevin said.

Nathaniel wanted to cry.

“I can’t. If I take his soul I’ll never see him again.”

“You have no choice, as long as you follow him, pain and destruction will follow him too.” Renee said.

“I’m protecting him.”

“You’re hurting him.” Kevin insisted, and now Nathaniel was crying.

“Some people don’t end up with their soulmates. Andrew can find someone else and be happy if you leave him alone.” Matt said calmly.

“He won’t be hurt if I leave him, Andrew is not in love with me. I am in love with him.” 

“Oh Nathaniel, what have you done?” Renee shook her head.

“So what? I’ll be a demon now?” Nathaniel asked.

“The Four are not like the rest of us, you are not good nor bad, actually you both are more human than any of us will ever be. You cannot fall, there’s no other death, but you can be too dangerous, and too powerful. The balance is breaking, your feelings are making you stronger, your connection with Andrew is making you stronger. If you don’t get rid of him, you’ll be unstoppable.” Kevin said.

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“Your power will be free. I mean disease, I mean War getting free, I mean hunger, I mean the end of the earth before it’s time.”

“All that for love?” Matt said. “That sounds like something  _ I _ would do, not Nathaniel.”

“It’s our last chance. We’ll take his soul tonight, or you’ll leave him alone forever. If you don't make a decision by yourself, we'll have to chain you.” Renee said.

Nathaniel laughed.

Being chained was the worst punishment for one of the Four; Life, Death, War and Peace were not like any other angel, they were more powerful than any other would ever be, and could be only balanced by their opposites.

He didn't know Allison, the Peace guardian, this much, they were generally against each other, but Seth? He knew Seth, they were so powerful together.

Seth was chained, he was getting too powerful during World War II, he was getting too manipulative; Nathaniel was loving it, using his power massively? It was amazing.

But now, War could only get to earth when needed according with the Almighty plans, Allison was the only one able to put the chains on him, but Nathaniel was the only one strong enough to break them.

He knew that if his powers got out of control Seth would be free and together they would end everything, and for a moment he was so angry he thought that maybe it wasn't a bad idea.

But Andrew was on earth, and Nathaniel needed to keep him alive, even if his only choice was to leave him behind.

And at this point, he knew there was no reason to fight.

Death could not fall, yet, he fell a long time ago without realising it.

**.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just reminding you guys that this story does not have a happy ending and have major character death tag so  
> I'm sorry

Andrew’s cousin, Nicky, would have his pause in twenty minutes, Nathaniel and Renee were waiting for the moment Andrew would need them again.

They decided to go earlier and together, so Renee could keep an eye on Nathaniel, apparently Kevin and their other supperiors didn’t trust Nathaniel alone with Andrew now.

Speaking of the devil, Andrew appeared on the back door, cigarette between his fingers, he leaned on the wall at Nathaniel’s side.

“Am I the only one seeing you guys?”

“No, we’re corporeal now.” Renee smiled.

“Aren’t you that barista from that coffee shop?”

“Sometimes, when I want to see you, your brother, your cousin, that girl June, and a lot others.”

“So you’re a barista and life?”

“But you can call me Renee. Nice to formally meet you.”

“And you? Should I call you Death or The Fourth Horsemen?”

“Call me Neil.” Nathaniel said.

Renee arched an eyebrow, Nathaniel shrugged.

“So you’re here to discuss my life again?” 

“Something like that.” Neil said.

He couldn’t say why exactly he didn’t want Andrew to call him Nathaniel, but he felt like Nathaniel was such an angelical name, and if this was keeping him away from Andrew, he didn’t want it.

He didn’t want to be an angel anymore, but he had no choice.

Humanity created him by accident, but they couldn’t make him stop existing.

They heard Roland calling, someone was hurting Nicky.

Andrew ran, having human bodies and no wings, Neil and Renee ran with him.

There were four man, they were punching, and kicking, and saying awful homophobe things, Andrew was running on their direction, he would fight, he would get hurt, they would have to save him again. 

Andrew would survive because Nathaniel would not let him die, but he would suffer again.

Nathaniel couldn’t just watch it, he snapped his fingers, and the four men fell on the ground.

Renee sighed.

“Neil!” 

“They’re just sleeping, I swear. And look, Andrew is not on my list anymore, and he is not hurt.”

“I was really thinking you would let him die.”

“I thought about it, but I can’t, I’m sorry Renee.”

“What the fuck is going on?” Nicky said, he was hurt, crying and stunned.

Renee smiled sweetly, helping him to get up.

“Come here, I’ll help you go inside.” 

“Oh you're such an angel, thank you.” Nicky cries, hugging Renee with all his strength.

Nathaniel stayed behind, he didn’t want to see Renee’s disappointed face right now, and, for his surprise, Andrew stayed too.

“Why are you doing this?”

“I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know? I may be insane, but I’m not stupid. You’re in trouble, aren’t you? That's why she is here. Are you in trouble because of me?” Andrew asked, Neil — because he refused to think of himself as Nathaniel around him — nodded. 

“Not me exactly. Humanity is in trouble because of me. And because of you.”

“Just take me already.”

“I can’t.”

“It’s not your decision, it’s mine.”

“And who will protect Aaron and Nicky?” Neil asked.

“If guardian angel is a thing, Nicky probably has a big and powerful one.”

He had, Nicky was so pure of heart that he had an angel by his side from the day he was born.

“Aaron doesn’t.” 

“That’s not why.”

“That’s enough.”

“Tell me the truth, and I’ll give you a truth.” 

“Your game, you go first.” Neil smiled.

“I’m wasn’t calling you, at least I didn’t know I was.”

“I felt you calling me.”

Andrew shrugged.

“My turn. Why don’t you just take me and finish this?”

“There’s something different about you. I can’t, you suffered enough.” 

“Liar.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Not all of it.”

“If you’re not happy ask another question. Unfortunately, I have to go, and it’s not your turn.”

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> You can talk to me on my  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dearghostqueen) or [Tumblr](https://dearghostqueen.tumblr.com/) .


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really reallly sorry for not letting you guys know it wouldn't have a happy ending, it was supposed to be something to make me sad and I'm sorry if you didn't know.  
> Actually I didn't like this ending this much, maybe one day I'll rewrite the whole thing.  
> Anyway, I made an illustration and wanted to show it for this fic.  
> Again, I'm sorry.

Renee was kind enough to not ask why Andrew’s name suddenly disappeared from her list again, and again, and again.

Nathaniel knew this wouldn’t last forever, he knew he couldn’t be Neil forever, but he was doing his job and running back to Andrew as fast as possible.

No one could be mad at him for keeping the blond men out of trouble, he wasn’t killing anyone he wasn’t supposed to, their balance was getting back to normal, and he was being Neil as long as he could.

Being corporeal wasn’t that bad when he was sitting with Andrew by his side, smoking on the roof — he still didn’t understand the appeal of cigarettes, it wasn’t that good, but cigarette reminded him of Andrew and that was enough.

He could spend hours with Andrew, trading secrets and truths, Andrew knew more than any other mortal, Nathaniel was a celestial being, but Neil had nothing to hide.

He could watch Andrew’s exy games.

“Junkie.” Andrew would say seeing him corporeal on his games, he knew how much Neil hated his body, and Neil would only smile and talk about his laziness on the goal.

Andrew spent most of his time on the roof of the Foxhole Tower, which was weird for someone who was scared of heights.

Neil knew he was spending way too much time with Andrew, he knew at some point Kevin would realize how fast he attended to his obligations so he could go back to Andrew.

His name was all over Neil’s mind: Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.

Andrew was everything, at some point Neil was feeling unstoppable, like nothing could pull them apart.

He was wrong.

Andrew loved ice cream, Neil didn’t like food, and definitely hated sweets, but sometimes he would bring a different flavor from another country, the sweetest he could find, just to see Andrew rolling his eyes and eating it so fast Neil was starting to get worried that diabetes would kill before anything else could.

“When will you just disappear and leave me alone?” Andrew said, putting a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth.

“When you stop calling me.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.” Neil smiled. “And you never told me why. Since you don’t wanna die, why am I here?”

“You never told me why I'm still here.”

Neil sighed, they played their truth game over and over again, still, none of them went back to the first questions they refused to answer.

“If I take you, your soul will go back from where it came and I’ll never see you again.” Neil said, and that was all he could manage.

Andrew wasn’t open to others, he didn’t care about feelings, he didn’t have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, he didn’t care about anyone or anything, except his own family.

If he knew how much Neil cared and loved him, their little paradise would be over.

“Jesus.”

“Not even close. Me and him, we're not exactly friends.” Neil said.

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“I don’t like when people come back from the dead.”

“You are so stupid to a immortal creature.”

Neil laughed, knowing how far he was going when he opened his mouth again.

“Yeah, I know. But things are different when you have feelings, I’ve never had it before.”

They stayed silent, and quiet was so good between the two of them.

“I wasn’t calling you.” Andrew said at last.

“Are you sure?”

“I wasn’t calling you, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you since you appeared out of nowhere in my room and closed that door.”

“If I was kid and an angel appeared in my room I would think about it too.”

“I wasn’t thinking about the angel part, I was thinking about how I felt like I knew you since I was born and will know you to the day I’ll die. Not because you're death or something, but…”

“Like part of your soul?” 

“You’re sappy.” Andreil said, but didn’t disagree.

“I’m an angel, were created from the drama.”

Andrew’s lips quirked up just a little bit, seeing Andrew smile was so rare that Neil’s heart jumped in his chest.

“Yes or no?” Andrew said, and if Death could die, Neil would be dead.

He knew he said yes, but he couldn’t hear his own voice, his heart was beating fast and loud.

Andrew kissed like he did everything on his life, with fury, and anger, fighting as the warrior Neil always knew he would be.

Kissing wasn’t sweet or lovely like human literature used to describe, it was like holding a sword and marching for war in all your strength, it was power and adrenaline in his veins.

He literally saw the Heaven, but nothing felt more heavenly than Andrew’s lips.

Neil wanted so hard to feel Andrew’s hair between his fingers, but he kept his hands to himself, he would not take anything Andrew wasn’t willing to give.

The angel let himself be kissed, he let Andrew touch his hair, and face, and neck, and kiss him again and again, but of course life wasn’t fair, and she decided to appear in person to show her discontentment.

“Death.” Renee called, and Neil knew he was screwed because she only called him by his original name when she was mad.

“Renee…”

“Do you know what humanity calls being kissed by death?” Kevin said appearing at her side.

“You brought the whole crew today.” Andrew said, probably Kevin and Renee were giving him permission to be seen.

“Impending ruin.” Nathaniel said, ignoring Andrew's words. “But what do they know? I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

“That’s depressing.” Andrew murmured. 

“That’s enough, Nathaniel you have to leave him. You’ll only bring pain and destruction to his life.” Renee said.

“You’re neglecting your work. You’ve missed two souls this week and they’re suffering, not dead, not alive.”

“I didn’t…”

“You did. Five this month, I was expecting you to notice it but clearly your head is somewhere else.” Renee said, and Matt materialised by her side.

“Seriously dude, you have to stop, you’re getting out of control.”

“How many friends do you have?” Andrew asked.

“I can’t kill him! I’m incapable of, I’m sorry, I can’t take him.” Nathaniel said, Renee folded her arms.

“Do you rather see him suffering? Because I’ll not save him again.”

“He won't be in danger again, I won’t let him.”

“What will you do? Kill everyone who gets too close?” Matt asked, Nathaniel was feeling it again, this anger, this pain making his heart want to explode.

“I will if I have to.”

“Our superior made a decision.” Kevin said. “You’ll not be able to come to earth to anything else but doing your job. Your powers will be restricted so you can be where you have to be, not where you want.”

“Are you really chaining me?”

“I have to. You're getting too dangerous, your feathers are falling, your balance is broken, you're emanating death wherever you go, and Seth's chains are starting to crack.”

"Who's Seth?" Andrew asked, Nathaniel sighed.

"An old friend."

"His name is War and Nathaniel is pretty close to free him against humanity." Renee said, she seemed miserable, her wings had lost a lot of feathers, she was getting weaker while Nathaniel was getting stronger.

She would lose her wings and be unable to fight him, Nathaniel's wings were getting black, and bigger — pretty soon his power would be unstoppable.

"What is she talking about?"

"I'm an angel, I wasn't supposed to feel, but I'm in love and this is making me stronger, angrier, because if I want you to be happy I have to leave you and I can't." Nathaniel admitted.

"Are you going to destroy the world because you love me?"

"I'm sorry, I can't control it. I can't control how I feel or how my power reacts to it."

“Okay." Andrew said getting up and standing on the edge of the roof. "Let’s get over with this shit.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“What I should've done a long time ago.”

“I’ll not let you jump.”

“I heard about this powerful thing called free will. You can’t stop me.”

“Why? Why are you doing this?”

"Our options are letting you be chained or die. I’ll never stop calling you, until the end of my days, isn’t that true? Well, now I’m calling for you one last time.”

“Don't be stupid. It's okay, I'll let them chain me, you'll never see me again, I swear. Just stay alive.” Nathaniel said and he was crying, his chest was hurting, for a moment he considered taking his heart off with his bare hands.

"And who told you I'd rather never see you again?"

"Don't jump." Nathaniel begged "I love you."

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked and Nathaniel kissed him, tears falling from his face, so cold, everything was so cold.

When Andrew let go of him, Nathaniel didn’t open his eyes, he just waited until he felt the soul calling for him, and he took Andrew’s body in his arms, he was getting cold too.

Renee was standing still at his side.

“Renee, please. One last time, I’ll leave him alone, I promise.”

“This is a promise fated to be broken. I’m sorry Nathaniel.”

“Renee, please, please. I'll let you chain me, I'll not fight you.”

“I can’t.”

His heart was shattered in his chest, his hands were cold, for the first time Death felt like he was dying.

Normally, he would take the soul of the body with his hands, touching and calling for their name so it would return to where they belong.

This time, he kissed him on his forehead, he murmured his name and touched such a heavy and precious soul with kindness, before setting it free, to return to Heaven.

From this day, all anger died in his heart, any warmth or heat left him forever, Death was Death, it had no name, or mercy, no controversial soul survived his presence, Death was as brutal as war and as cold as ice.

Nathaniel was the angel who saved Andrew, Neil was the angel who loved him, and now they were both gone forever.

**.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> You can talk to me on my  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/dearghostqueen) or [Tumblr](https://dearghostqueen.tumblr.com/) .

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a stupid idea I had? 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy it, comments and kudos are apprecieted  
> I would love to know what you guys think about all this crazyness.


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